Strong as sh*t

I’m not petite. I never have been. Nor am I broad or tall. I’ve always just sort of hung out in the middle. I stand at 170cm (5′ 7″)  and my weight hovers around 70kg (11st). 

When I first went to the gym, I don’t think I had a shred of muscle attached to my body. I felt soft, wobbly and ashamed of my body. Baggy tops and a pair of primark leggings please!! I wanted to be as invisible as possible, I wanted to hang around in the middle, to just crack on. 

Here’s where things got difficult. I wanted to be invisible but I didn’t know what I was doing. I wasn’t very good at running (or any cardio for that matter), nor did I understand anything to do with weights or resistance training. I didn’t know how to use my body. I didn’t know what to do with my size. I didn’t want to be in the middle. So I tried to get smaller. I started to run, lots, use the bike, lots and row, lots. I was eating a little better but I wasn’t noticing much difference. I always left the gym sweaty and I knew it was hard work, so why did I look the same?

Guess what? It wasn’t working, because it doesn’t work.

Guess what else? If you want to feel firmer and more “toned” (that word needs to die a death by the way, I digress),you need to lift weights. You need to use your size.

To cut a really long story about all my mishaps short, I started to lift weights. I started lifting weights in all sorts of ways. On my back, off the floor, over my head. And I was good at it. And I loved it. Using weights made (makes) me feel awesome. It makes me so proud of my body and what I’ve trained it to do. I love the way it makes my body look, the way my body feel. And probably most importantly, the way it made my brain feel. I didn’t hate myself anymore! I had hated myself for so long and all I needed to do was lift weights? Right? Wrong.

I had to find it. It didn’t just happen, I failed so many times. I beat myself up repeatedly, I wanted to quit, repeatedly. But what did I do when I felt like that? I dragged my ass back to the gym, and picked up something really heavy to feel better. 

I’m not saying that this is right for everyone. Some people love running, some people love Yoga, heck, some people even love CrossFit. What I’m saying here is, you might hate a part of yourself that could actually be really useful somewhere else. I had big legs, but they made my squat strong. The first thing you need to do is try. Go to every gym, class or bootcamp you can. Find something that makes your brain settle, find something that makes you love exercise. 

Find something that makes you feel strong as shit.